Can you hear me now?

So. I can't talk. You do know this right?

I mean I can talk in dog. But to you, all that sounds like is, "Woof, woof." Or if I'm really lucky it sounds like,  "Bark, bark." I'm not trying to be annoying, I swear. It's just I have so much to say, but nobody can understand me.

I mean do you know that EVERYDAY there is some guy who comes to the door? Every single day (well, except Sunday) He takes random sizes of paper and stuffs it into a metal box right outside the door? Who does he think he is? He just walks right up to my... Er, I mean, our house and puts random crap in OUR metal box. What a weirdo?

And did you know that on Tuesday and Friday these guys drive up in a big green scary monster of a thing and take our perfectly good trash??? What the heck? They just drive up and pretend no one is looking and take the trash bins and SHOOP! They steal our garbage, every time. I try to tell my owners, but they keep doing it every week.

I could go on about this forever, but I'll just tell you one last thing. There are three sorry excuses for neighbors right outside the window. These three jerks run up and down trees all day long and then bury stuff. Seriously? What are you storing stuff for? Winter? I try to yell at them all day long, that if I ever get a chance to come outside they are gonna get it. Put stuff in MY yard... I mean, OUR yard? How dare they?!?!

See, many times Im TRYING to do our household a favor, but then I just end up getting yelled at. Or even worse, I get a rolled up magazine shaken at me. I don't know what that gesture even means, but it gets me scared every time. Anyways, I better go, it's the day those guys try to steal our trash again. Bark at you later...